Do you have people in your life that you want to make proud? I really don’t. My parents have always been proud, and their pride isn’t based upon my achievements, so there’s no pressure there. My husband and kids love me unconditionally, so I don’t worry about making them proud. And then there’s Harper; she is the one I want to make proud. Yup, it may sound crazy, I know. My daughter in heaven is the one I strive to make proud each and every day. I want her smiling so big, and I want her to know that her life didn’t shatter me, it empowered me.
After we lost Harper, I knew I wanted my life to be focused on serving others. Actually, this is all that I have wanted since I was a little girl, but losing her pushed me beyond my fear and I felt called. I wanted to walk with others through their journey. I want to help them through their grief if they have lost a baby. I want others to gain the perspective I now have after losing a child. I want them to gain the knowledge without the pain. To make Harper proud, first I thought I would start the Harper Grace Foundation, and I wanted to the world to know how big my love for her was, but I wasn’t going to act on anything without her guidance. I never felt like I could pinpoint exactly what this nonprofit would focus on and who it would serve, so that was a sign to me that I wasn’t meant to go that route. Then, I started my blog to serve this community, which was absolutely what Harper wanted. My entire life, in every marketing job I ever had, by ever boss I ever had, I was told that I was a bad writer. So the thought of starting a blog when I was convinced I couldn’t write was scary. I determined that if my blog could help just one person, then it was worth it, so I started StillMama. I am so glad I did. I have gotten incredible feedback about my writing but the most rewarding part is I believe it’s something Harper and I do together. She gives me the inspiration and I write from my heart. My writing has only just begun. I envision much more writing in my future. I am so glad I listened to my daughter instead of my critics.
After Harper sent us Quinn, I realized that life is flying by, I have 3 beautiful children on earth and time is of the essence. If I wanted to serve in a BIG way, then I needed to pursue my dream of coaching. With a Master’s Degree in Counseling Psychology, I have always wanted to personally walk with others through their journey, but I wanted to be able to truly guide them to their goals, which is not what therapy is about at all. So I took that degree and all the knowledge I had, and put it to work by starting my own coaching practice. I now see clients nationwide, run workshops of women reaching for more and this is only the beginning. There are no words for how rewarding it is for me to help others in such an intimate way, and I feel Harper present with me through each and every session. I have even had people say to me that they see her light shining right through me during our sessions, and I can feel that to.
So, after 3 years and 8 months, I have found how I will honor her, in only the way she and I can. We will coach others through their tough spots in life. I will share what I know about getting through extremely hard times, and I will help others do the same. Without losing Harper, I wouldn’t be able to understand the deep pain that many people walk through life with, but having that experience makes me more qualified than any degree ever could to truly be an effective coach.
I hope she’s proud. I hope she’s in Heaven saying, “That’s MY mommy!” It is my personal MISSION to help as many people as I humanly can for as many years as I can. It feels like the most authentic way to honor my amazing daughter, Harper.